


An Old New Beginning

by ClaireWritesAboutLife



Series: Letters to myself [1]
Category: Acceptance of self - Fandom, Childhood - Fandom, Letter to inner child, Letter to self - Fandom, Personal - Fandom, trauma - Fandom
Genre: Childhood, Healing, Inner Dialogue, Self-Acceptance, To Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:31:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireWritesAboutLife/pseuds/ClaireWritesAboutLife
Summary: A letter to my inner child. An apology, and explanation.





	An Old New Beginning

Dearest me, 

This is a letter especially to you, the little child within me. To the one I tend to ignore, and call naïve and stupid. This is my explanation, and apology. 

You are hurt. I know that, however I still don’t acknowledge it. I tell you to get over it, when all you truly desire is a hug and a statement that everything will be alright. When you run around, telling stories and wishes, about life, the universe, wonders and miracles, I call them stories with no meaning. When you have your moments, with your ideas on what to do when you grow older, I tell you statistics, numbers and “better” suggestions, creating a frown on your face and immediately crushing your hope into tiny pieces. 

You are hurt. You have been left by countless of people, and I am one of them.

No matter how hurt you are, you still continue seeing the good in people. You believe there is good in everyone, while I tell you countless of examples of why your theory is wrong. You want to see all the good, while I deny you that right. You try to be loving, I deny you. You try to contact me, and I ignore you. You try to make me see, but I am blind.

Dear little child, the music of your soul is pure. You play with love, hope, faith and the good. I, the distorted, chipped record, who is scared to fix it. Scared of what will lie beneath it when I start or what will happen when I am fixed. I realize some things you don’t, and that is okay. You are a child, I am an adult. We have to work together; however I have denied you that spot. 

I am sorry. 

Dear little child, I know you have your flaws, your insecurities and your fears. I have not been kind to you about it. I kick, I beat and I berate you for them. I know you try your best, too much, you try to sparkle and burn at the same time. You are a firework, but you need time to be on the ground as well. I know you’re hurt. 

I know you want to be yourself, but you have been told by so many you can’t. They are saying that you are wrong, and I was one of them. I am sorry. 

Dear little child, you have some of the greatest gifts. You are a true spark of something good. You are meaningful, lovely, happy and compassionate, however I do not allow you as much space as you should. You should be able to express yourself more. Both in me and for the world. You have ideas no one else has. The things people don’t even dare to dream. You are one of a kind, but I am trying to put you in a box.

People have left you. The people dearest to you have treated you as nothing. You have given your oxygen, to people who could breathe. You wish everyone loved you, and I can’t tell you a lie. They don’t, but there are still those who do, and those are the ones that mean something. You are special, and if they don’t see that they are incompetent. Ridiculous. Like me. 

I am sorry. 

Dear little child, forget those who hurt you. Wish them well, and leave them where you stand. You have to sparkle somewhere else. You need a spark to become yourself, however none of them will ever give you what you want. They want you to stop sparkling. 

Just like I did. 

From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for having ridiculed you for all these years. You are hurt. We are hurt, however I left you behind. I left you behind, just like he left. I was left once. You were twice. 

As I feel your presence, I want you to know that I am tired walking this road without you. I am tired of taking all the decisions by myself. I am tired of berating you. You are me, and I am you.  
We have been left, but we are not alone anymore.  
We have each other. 

Yours truly,  
The older Claire

**Author's Note:**

> Where do I begin with this?  
> Thank you so much for reading if you were able to finish it.  
> I had a long and deep conflict with myself regarding making this story public, as I wrote it after I was suggested it as a therapy task by a friend. I have carried quite a lot of guilt of everything from my childhood, and I have always ridiculed myself for what happened, and how I reacted to several incidents. So this was painful, however relieving to write.  
> Again,  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Lots of love <3  
> ~Claire


End file.
